If you’re a mom, you know how easy it is to feel scattered. Physically, mentally, and emotionally, moms have a lot going on! Not to take away from dads, they have a lot going on, too! However, the load that mothers take on tends to be more complex. Sometimes that complexity can lead to an overwhelmed, burned-out, very scattered mom-brain! I’ve exclaimed many times to my husband, “I wish I could just pause everyone with a remote so I can accomplish a few things!” There are times when the chaos gets the best of me and I just need to be alone for a minute. Of course, that is impossible here and someone will be calling me from outside the door within seconds. Other times I laugh at how unbelievably difficult it is to form a thought in my house. Let me take you back a few weeks…
It was a usual busy weekday with our four boys. We had just attended my oldest son’s wrestling match after school with all the kids in tow. It was time to drop a few of them off at home with my husband and then head to my eleven-year-old’s piano lesson. As we hopped out of the car, I realized I was in my slippers. Before having children, that probably would have embarrassed me. After children, it felt like a normal Thursday. We had a good laugh and I thought, “Oh well, nothing I can do about it now!” Upon arriving home that same night and with six people talking at the same time, I was telling my husband how the lesson went and reached up to adjust my glasses. I wasn’t even wearing my glasses! Fast forward a few days and I poured the milk for my cereal into my coffee cup instead of a bowl. I’ve turned my shower off several times thinking I was done when I hadn’t even rinsed the shampoo out of my hair. Sometimes it’s not even shampoo and I’ve accidently used the body wash! The list goes on and on.
The tricky thing about it all, is that life keeps moving right along doesn’t it? This is where our scattered minds tend to get overwhelmed. As much as it would help us to hit a “pause” button so we can catch up, those just doesn’t exist. Believe me, I’ve tried all the remotes! The house must be cleaned, schedules need organizing, laundry has to be sorted, and everyone needs to be fed. With a never-ending list, is it even possible to un-scatter our minds? Sometimes, it’s not. I used to fight against that notion, ever striving to be caught up on all things assuming it would give me my focus back.
Between the sleep deprivation I’ve had for the better part of fourteen years and the near constant communication and activity going on in our home (not to mention the volume level), having a scattered brain just comes with the territory. Kind of like the weird veins on our legs that start to show up in our 30’s, we don’t like them, but we tolerate them. I don’t like having a scattered brain, but I’m trying to work with it a little instead of against it. It has actually helped me a lot to accept the reality of it all, rather than always thinking it’s another problem I have to solve.
On the other hand, there are times when it is possible to be a little bit less scattered in our complicated mom-worlds. Flexibility is not my middle name. Oh, how I wish it was! Just ask my husband who jokingly refers to me as a robot or an old man stuck in my ways. I like my routines. Routines are great and they are necessary to keep things running smoothly, but children can really throw a wrench in routine. Finding a balance there is a constant work in progress. I have realized after many years of this juggling act, that in order to feel less scattered I just have to let the things go that aren’t essential to the moment. That can be easier said than done, especially when I tend to fixate on small and often insignificant details. Here are a few things to consider that truly help me out when it comes to managing motherhood…
1. Changing plans.
For example, when I’ve got dinner planned but the day just takes too much out of us and there isn’t enough time to do it well, it’s ok to make sandwiches! It takes a huge load off being able to remove food prep, cooking, and dishes from your list. To my fellow stay-at-home moms, on the extra crazy weeknights I often try to make dinner during the day so all we have to do is heat it up in the evening. It’s not aways feasible but it has been a lifesaver on the days everyone is rushing home from school, work, and sports!
2. Be productive.
Keeping up on chores but not being rigid about your to-do list is another great way to maintain your sanity. When you’re short on time, do what absolutely has to be done that day and the rest can wait. I find things run a lot more smoothly when I stay on top of the dishes and laundry in particular. Those two revolving doors can be really overwhelming if they are always in the back of your mind. Having a family of six, it only takes one meal for our kitchen to be a disaster and the sink to be overflowing. Spending ten minutes clearing everything out is well worth it! So is putting the laundry away when it’s done as opposed to letting it sit in the basket for days on end, always lurking when you walk by.
3. Leave room to breathe.
Another big one when it comes to decluttering the mind, is not to over do it. There will always be loads of things going on with a house full of kids, so be conscious of your non-essential commitments. Having less going on isn’t a bad thing and doesn’t make you lazy, contrary to what’s popular in our modern culture.
4. Take care of yourself.
Throughout these very active mothering years as I learn to be more flexible, there are still parts of my daily routine that help me clear out some of the mental clutter. Staying hydrated, having healthy snacks, and going for walks or whatever exercise you prefer, are crucial to our well-being and our ability to handle what comes at us all day (and night!) long. In addition to drinking lots of water, I like to add decaf teas to the rotation to break things up. I don’t always get a walk in, especially a solo one, but I try at least a few days a week to make it a priority. Even when you’ve been up all night and the weather isn’t great, getting some fresh air can feel like medicine for your soul. Stretching is an easy one to give you a boost, too!
5. Stay connected.
I came across a great breathing exercise in a devotional recently and I’ve been trying to implement it throughout my day. Maybe it will help you, too! As you inhale, say to yourself “moment to moment” and as you exhale, say “You go before me.” No matter what chaos we meet throughout the day, there is no better way to find solace and maintain a healthy perspective than staying connected to Jesus. Being reminded that he is always there and going before us in all that we do is the ultimate relief.
“You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head.” (Psalm 139:5)
It really is possible to live a less-scattered life. You might not be able to drink your tea warm, be able to form a thought without interruption, or call your kids by their correct names. You might not have time for nice dinners, and you might show up to piano lessons in your slippers. It’s true, the crazy days are inevitable. You’re not alone in the moments you feel like you’ll never catch up or keep up, but that means us moms are all together in that, too.
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Read more of Maria’s contributions to AllMomDoes here.
